Update on Bonnie

george-michael gif

I feel you, George Michael.

It’s been a long, stressful day. Bonnie wasn’t feeling very good last night, so she was up a lot. That translated into oversleeping for her doctor’s appointment. It’s always nice to start the day out right.

More importantly, it’s looking like her current course of treatment just isn’t managing the symptoms the way that we would like. Bonnie has been falling down a lot and her balance is really impaired, so we’re going to be switching to something more aggressive. At this point, Bonnie’s condition makes her such an outlier that there’s not really a proscribed course of treatment, so it feels a little bit like both we and our doctor are shooting in the dark.

We’re going to try a really high dose of the medicine that she’s on, which will involve some pretty serious time in the hospital. So that’s not going to be fun for anyone.

We also had a visit to the physical therapist, who basically said that there’s not much that he can do to fix things (not really surprising), but he gave us some strengthening exercises for Bonnie to do.

When I write it all down, it doesn’t sound like that much, but I just feel totally mentally spent. It’s the cancer anxiety. You just sit around waiting constantly for something to go wrong. It’s like your brain is stretched out too thin, or you’ve got this constant feeling of falling but you never hit the ground. Then when you get more bad news you just don’t have the energy to process it because of all the energy you spend keeping it together on a normal day.

That’s probably enough whining from me. I still have a great little family, and I’m sitting here watching a little show with L and R while I type this, so the day is not all bad. Even when things go poorly, it’s always nice to get a chance to sit around with the kids at the end of the day. But if you see my lying on the floor, you’ll know why.

Thankful Thursday 2

washing-feet-JesusThis also a Friday edition of Thankful Thursday, but that’s because I spent much of Thursday at the hospital with Bonnie, and then our internet went out in the evening when I was going to write this. Faced with such a daunting obstacle, I gave up and watched “Jeeves and Wooster” with Bonnie. Intent counts for something, right?

This week I am thankful to all of the kind people who have helped us in the last while. On Wednesday a bunch of ladies from the ward showed up and packed up our living room and our whole kitchen. They were amazing and cheerful as they packed up  all our junk (As a side note, if our house burns down while we’re in Utah, it totally wasn’t me).

There has practically been a parade of cheerful and helpful nurses and hospital staff. I don’t even remember all their names, but they’ve all been kind, helpful, and accommodating.

Various family members have sent money or offered to fly out to help us as we drive cross country.

Our contact at the Olcott Cancer Center was originally going to get us some free flights to Utah from Angel Flight, but when she found out that we wanted to drive she contacted a different group (who do not appear to have a website) and got us some gas cards.

Everyone wants to help, and even though things can suck, a little lift is sometimes all you need.